Healthy

It has been a while since the last time I felt healthy.  Even when I did feel healthy, there was always something off. My whole childhood, I would have “episodes” from time to time. I would eat a little too much, or eat something too rich, and end up feeling sick. But for the most part, I was a pretty healthy kid, so it wasn’t a big deal. But then in junior high, I started to gain weight. I don’t know how much I gained, but I found myself in my sophomore year of high school very unhappy with how I looked and how I felt. The summer between my sophomore and junior year, my mom and I went on the Paleo diet. I lost thirty pounds in the three months we stayed on it. I felt amazing. Food didn’t make me feel sick. But we found it to be incredibly hard to keep it up once we got back to the school year, so we went back to the way we used to eat, and I gained back all the weight and then some.

Then my mom found a way of eating called the Trim Healthy Mama plan (THM). It was less of a dramatic difference for me as far as weight loss – but food again wasn’t making me feel sick. I also cut out sugar completely during this time, and felt amazing because of it. We kept this up for three years. I lost a lot of weight in those three years, and I felt amazing. I felt healthy. Then I went to college – I kept up with THM principles as best I could, but during my second semester at school, food started making me sick again. I tried cutting out dairy, but that only helped some. I gained a bit of weight back. I was feeling bad enough that I decided I wasn’t going back to school the next year because of that and a few other reasons. One fun symptom was when a stomach “episode” would combine with a panic attack.

At home the next year, I started working to save up some money. I worked for three months before my combined anxiety about my job and my health lead me to quit. I just kind of coasted through the next few months, working a little bit of childcare, and starting to gather things for my wedding, which I suspected was going to be sometime soon. I also cut out gluten completely, and it helped a good bit with my gut health.

I got engaged, and really worked on preparing for the wedding. I gained a good bit of weight during the preparations, but it wasn’t that much, and I attributed it to stress and the fact that I wasn’t eating that well – though I was still avoiding gluten and sugar which had been the worst triggers for me.

I got married almost eight months ago, and I’ve steadily gained weight since then, and my gut issues have gotten worse and worse alongside the weight gain. I tried the FODMAP diet on the recommendation of my doctor, but it only helped the littlest bit, and after six weeks, I got frustrated and gave it up. And now I’m being bombarded with options for what I can try that might help, and my doctor wants to give me a prescription. But I don’t want to do that until I don’t have another option. But in the midst of the mountain of options, I’ve decided to go back to what I know helped, at least at one point. It’s the least overwhelming option. I’m going to go back to strictly sticking to THM, and after a month or so maybe try going back to Paleo, or choose one of the other options that I’ve been presented with.

That’s where I am now. Not “healthy.” Just determined to get there. Just like with minimalism and my mental health, I’m on a journey to get where I want to be.